Moon People was printed on the moon and posted to Earth on the lunar eclipse, 15.06.2011.

There was a slight delay at immigration and customs as we had quite a lot to declare.


Here's an extract from Chapter 17, Work


There are many unusual jobs to be done on the moon, such as prism shifing, quark cracking, diluting sonic booms, counting yeast cells, carving winds, scratching aprons, threading eyebrows, cleaning shock waves, and making sure silent jars don't talk to each other. We have people to do all these things.

We also have people that dissect blue giants, make idea hovercrafts, collect the static electricity from the dreams of stray kittens, rake ponds and tame wild funk-horses. It's the only place in the solar system where you will see space-pool skiffers and jeologists.

Some jobs are filthy, dangerous and disgusting. Some are all of those things. For example, we have people who work as toenail chewers, footprint lickers, pong chasers, wuzzle buffers, and armpit dandruff harvesters.

Some moon people don't seem to do much at all. It looks like they are doing nothing, but they are actually quite busy working their socks off thinking something through. They tend to think of things no one else would ever dream of, and we call them professional wonderers. These are not to be confused with professional wanderers, who spend most of their time tracking and smelling astronaut footprints across the moonscape.

Professional wonderers might ponder whether an insect trapped in amber can dream of seaweed. They might think about whether freeze-dried ideas are better for you than fresh ones. They might wonder how many inflatable numbers in Crater 67 have hairy insides.

None of these ponderings seem relevant to many people, but they often help us to find the answer to another question. For example, a cure for knee unhappiness was found after someone sitting next to a professional wonderer posed the question, 'Can clairyovant shipwrecks taste dolphin shadows?'

Story weavers have one of the best jobs on the moon. They move from zone to zone inside a train of thought, looking for discarded threads of stories, which they then knit together into a patchwork tale.

Story threads can be found pretty much anywhere. Some blow about in the wind, some dangle from trees, and some can be found under furniture.

Story threads consist of single or double yarns, and they come in many different colours, textures, and materials.

Story weavers tend to work alone, but they have been known to join together if their ideas are threadbare. Once a story has been woven to a staisfactory standard, it is then shared with a circle of gabs, who wrap it around their minds and give it a good shake. This releases a lot of story dust into the atmosphere, which is breathed in by anyone within a 20kn radius.

Gabs will move around the moon shaking their minds in as many zones as they can before swallowing themselves and burping their souls into space.

Some people on the moon work as noise quashers. These highly skilled engineers spend their time getting rid of noises by matching sounds so they cancel each other out. When two sounds mix, together they can make silence, which is music to the ears of a moon quasher. Not all sounds mix together in this way, and sometimes a bigger noise can be made.

For example, if you combine the loud cracking warble of a griker bird with a wockle cough, then you get a real ear bashing. But if you mix together the woosh of a click with the wash of a clock, then you get absolute hush. And that's why we need noise quashers.

You see, sometimes we need some peace and quiet, but we can't always get it, especially if one of our neighbours has a nunk that yips all day.

As you know, moon people are always losing their eyeballs, and so we have a team of moon people who go everywhere picking them up and cleaning them. Eye catchers are employed in every zone to clean the streets of eyeballs to avoid people stepping on them.  

If an eye catcher is in the right place at the right time, then some eyeballs......




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